MY WILD SIDE By Jean Currie

They say I’m a quiet lass, even meek and mild,

It’s always that I’ve been so shy, even as a child.

People seem to like me quiet for the compliments they piled

One thing they’d never describe me, they wouldn’t call be wild.

Except

 

When darkness fills the evening sky they wouldn’t know their friend

My wild side over-rules me for strange places I attend!

But not for me street corners in the seedy side of Caml’on

Or even in a Bingo hall to join these old wives gamblin’

 

I’m not one for alcohol which never turns me on

Anyhow the price is nothing but a con.

But my exciting wild life starts each night when in my bed.

I lay my head on pillow and begin the nightmare dread.

 

Must say it isn’t always bad, I often have some fun.

Work often in a bakery, my reward a free house bun.

But colleagues all around me push me down like Humpty Dumpty,

Complain to all the bosses that I’m just a great big numpty!

 

Then suddenly I’m in Russia. The food there makes me queezy,

But I haven’t language problems for their lingo’s easy peasy.

I lecture them incessantly while standing at the Kremlin

Standing in front of thousands and never feel like tremblin’

 

I’ve even been a teacher of a class of devilish thugs

Who made me stand upon my hands and pelted me with bugs

But that was all forgotten when I shed my heavy load

And met the jolly wizard on the famous yellow brick road.

 

I find myself in China, they call me ‘Tinkie Poo’

No problem with the language for I’m good at Mandarin too.

I often visit U.S.A and chat with the Obamas,

Not often in the White house, for I’m still in my pyjamas.

 

And sometimes Jolly Trump appears while still I’m in my nightie

Then suddenly I’m in heaven and am met by God Almighty.

“WHIT YE DAE’IN HERE?” says he ”YER NAME’S NO OAN MA PLAN.

IT’S NO’ THE TIME FUR YOU TAE COME. GO HOME AN’ MIND YER MAN!”

 

Every night this odd wild life gives me awful creeps,

Then thankfully I hear the alarm sounding seven bleeps.

Now ready for a quiet day I creep back in my shell

And feel so gratefully happy for I know that all is well.

 

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